A proper send-off before sterilization surgery to tie the tubes up tight.

Image by Anja from Pixabay

Dear Reproductive System,

It’s been a long, exciting, and sometimes nail-biting ride but like a teenager that’s tapped into her second bottle of Boone’s Farm, I’m sorry to say that it’s time to cut you off. Before heading into surgery to shut down the sperm-worn roads of my reproductive system, I wanted to take a minute to properly acknowledge your contributions.

To my ovaries,

I want to say thank you for producing healthy, viable, single eggs each month with the precision of an expensive Swiss timepiece. …

Introduce mindfulness and sail them off to sleep more easily with Moshi.

Image by press 👍 and ⭐ from Pixabay

Picture this. It’s 8 pm. Your offspring are careening off corners and crashing into one another. There’s a screeching noise you can’t quite identify that you think might be coming from one of their mouths but it sounds inhuman so you’re really not sure.

Your heart rate is increasing as you bark orders to “brush your teeth” and “settle down.” It’s all in vain. They can’t hear you over their ruckus and even if they could, we both know they wouldn’t listen.

On top of that, you know…

They make you *briefly* question your decision to procreate.

Image by gabrielle_cc from Pixabay

Let me start with the full disclaimer that I adore my children. They light up my life, amaze me every day with their capacity to learn, laugh, love, and live fully. I definitely don’t regret bringing them into it, nor would I want to be in this world without them.


That being said, they do have some super annoying habits that I could most definitely live without. Unfortunately for the rest of you, my observations of other people’s offspring have revealed that these habits are somewhat universal and rampantly commonplace.

These are things that make me roll my eyes…

Because parents are people, too.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Like you, I love my kids with all my heart. I give them all I’ve got, day in and day out, in an effort to raise healthy, productive, happy members of society.

I’m not afraid to admit, however, that sometimes all I’ve got is not that much.

I’ve slipped into some shameless parenting habits that, although very necessary for my own happiness and sanity at times, are not necessarily what one would consider primo parenting.

I want you to feel 100% comfortable doing what you gotta do to raise humans, too, so I am sharing a few shameless parenting tips…

A financial exercise to quantify full-time parenting.

Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay

My husband and I were each other’s second spouses. When we met, we fell hard, fast, and all the way. We dove in with reckless abandon, with full confidence that we knew exactly what we wanted and that we were it.

One of the things we wanted was to have kids and for me to stay home with them. We had never had kids and neither of us had ever “stayed home” unless you count flaking on yet another show at yet another venue back when Austin was home and people still sweat together in crowds.

It took us quite…

Yep, just like when my husband goes to work out of town every week or on a fishing trip with his friends, he just packs his bag and walks out. Not a single consideration about the kids or the house is necessary because he knows I've got it covered. If I go out of town, it's a massive undertaking. (One that I find to be worth every painstaking planning moment, but still.)

You are touching on issues that are so huge for so many of us moms out there. I am so grateful that we weren't forced into a decision…

Ugh. Do people really still say things like this? Cringeworthy.

Here's my opinion and how I am teaching my boys, who are white and elementary-aged and privileged in every regard.

We are different. Each of us. This is cause for celebration and it makes life a hell of a lot more interesting and flavorful. But those differences have historical context and we have work to do.

We can't just throw up our hands and emplore that we all just get along. We are all running the American race, but some of us have a wide open track in front of…

Phew, I feel for this family and so many others who find themselves confined and overwhelmed. I have always maintained a firm grip on the fact that we are very fortunate to survive this pandemic with our health and our immediate needs met. BUT, I have also given myself the full right to moan and complain about how disruptive it has been. I'd like to say the end is in sight but everytime I do that, I'm sorely mistaken.

I am fortunate that all of my boys' current playmates are respectful, considerate, and great guests inside or in our yard but that has not always been the case.

I make our house rules evident to anyone who comes over and if they get out of line, I do not hesitate to correct them. I expect the same when my kids are at a friend's house.

Just this morning a neighbor/friend/dad told me he had to get on to my youngest for not listening yesterday. I thanked him. Your house. Your rules. You are in charge.

I'd suggest you tell…

Thank you for this insightful piece. I have been a yogi for over a decade but have only started a seated meditation practice in the last year. BECAUSE IT IS HARD! I love the analogy to the bliss experienced when something so viscerally annoying (like a pack of barking dogs) stops for a moment and we experience peace. A similar calm happens when the kids are bustled out the door and board the bus. Will definitely be taking your advice into my practice.

Kristen Sears Cudd

Mom. Wife. Writer. Reader. Walker. Traveler. Yogi. Dog lover. Booty shaker. Belly laugher. Hugger. Friend forever.

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